SLA: Letter Archives

Over the past few days, I have been in touch with the producer of the Motion Picture about Stoopball and other street game(I could say movie, but why not class it up a bit, eh?), any way...we are negotiating a settlement of their outstanding balance due. The Film (pronounced fillum) is it post production and should actually be done in the next few months. No bull shit!!!!!!!!! Plus 'their people' and 'our people' are in 'meetings' regarding a possible World Premier at the 2008 SLA World Championships!!!!!!

Craig Lifschutz, big shot producer, has invited you all to newyorkstreetgames.com to follow the action and updates about his work and our participation. I did ask if we could get DVDs and so on, but of course that has to do with release to Theaters/Television and so on. (Like I understand.) (Hell, I'm just hoping to get this email to you....ruston...you better call me and let me know if I did this right.)

For the rest, I'll let our Press Secretary Ms. Michelle, and our attorneys, Mike and Ginny and Tom, make it so! Remember ......newyorkstreetgames.com....go there and sign up and let them know your with the Stoopball League of America.

Every year, on the first Friday after Thanksgiving, the Stoopball League of America convenes to discuss and debate issues of great importance that come before it. One of the most important issues that are discussed is the picking of the Championship dates for the following year. We came together again this past November and picked a date for 2008. ( But that wasn’t good enough for some of you!) Well, after much weeping and gnashing of teeth, it has been decided that the Twenty Fourth Annual Stoopball League of America World Championships will be contested in Clinton, WI during the week of July22-27, 2008. At this point it is etched in stone.(But then again, I thought another date was etched in stone!) But there you have it.....the weekend of July 25-27, 2008. Done and done.....Amen. So I hope, so may it be!

Now onto some really good stuff. In old business, it was decided that John Kase should be in charge of hunting down and collecting the past due concessions account of Matt Levy. Then, things got really interesting. Normally, when we are renegotiating contracts, it’s pretty cut and dried. A modest raise is usually brought up, and our employee are more than happy to continue their work with us. Except this year!!!! When Ms. Janice Armour’s contract was brought up, some felt that she had left her post unattended a few times in 2007.....there was some whispers of why she wasn’t available at certain meals, dishes weren’t always done....well after some discussion and more than a bit of ugliness, Ms. Sandy Ford moved to just not bring her back! Ms. Ford said: “We’re tired of the kitchen Nazi, and her fancy, schmancy rubber gloves, plus she’s just old...put her down!” Janice, you were there, you know how I went to bat for you, back in the day, when I was the commissioner, maybe I.......but that was then and this is now, so folks, Commissioner Cat made it official and appointed Adrian and Danielle to take over the most important job that the League has. I really have to stop for a minute, I can’t type through the tears in my eyes.

We also spoke of recruiting more concession and pro shop staff this coming year. We hope to have a plan in place well before July gets here. John, Chris, Black Jim and Sandy need a little help and we are going to get it for them! (Annette needs a lot of help and we’re looking into that too, if you get my drift.)

Michelle has formed an adhoc (or is it adjunct?) Capitol Campaign Committee to begin planning next year’s 25th Anniversary. More information on this and other matters will be on the web site in the next few weeks........right????? Remember that it’s www.stoopball.net. Get on the highway guys, visit us there.

And that about does it for this go round. Out here at World Headquarters, a thick, soft, deep blanket of snow covers the fields. The drifts make Tammi Tigger Field resemble a moonscape. It’s tough to imagine that in no time at all, spring training will begin, and soon ..........sooner than we can imagine.......opening day will arrive!!! If I close my eyes, I can almost taste the Chicken and Ribs at the Commissioner’s Barbeque, and the first tomatoes of the summer! If I squeeze them tight, I can see the Kid Kampers, painting the concession stands, Brad posting the schedules, DeWald selling tokens. It’s coming folks and we love it! It has become for us, a time to stop and share. A time to slow down for a bit and count and relive all our personal and shared adventures. Biblical if you will: ‘a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to be born, a time to die. Yeah......we pretty much do have it all!!!!(Well, everybody but Janice!!)

The season is on!!!! We are working like dogs here at world headquarters to present the best ever SLA Championships! With just nine weeks till 'GO TIME', the George and Zeta Memorial Complex is coming along slowly, but.....surely.

I hear that the Detroit Risers have picked up the option on Joe Crill, and with Megan due back this year....they will be formidable. (Antony? You in?) Is this the year Boston puts it all together? Perhaps, Twister Sister will finally play 'under the lights' and make this their dream season. The Chicago Stoops, after their move to Lake Wobegon territory, are full of hope and old age. The Stoopids.......? Nah.......I don?t think so! But we shall see. Come July, we all start even!

Now here is a blast from the past for all you old timers. Remember years ago when I sent our the prayer cloths as a stunt, I mean... uh....I think it was a Tool , yeah a tool to help us do or learn something....and then there was the appeal from the diocesan development fund? Well...here we are years later and the old Arch-diocesan development fund is back......The property we purchased (The Old Lutheran Church) is coming right along. We have accepted a bid from Brennan/Phelan Construction, General Contractors, Commercial/Residential LLC, BB, MD, FDIC, ETC, to begin work on the grand transformation. We are still waiting on a start date (they want a little something in the form of cash to get going), but I?m sure with the Attorney, for the party of the first part, due to be present at the Championships, we?ll get all that tricked out. You see we?ll need a little draw from the development fund. Brodie is all over it. Trust me! Hey Brodie, did you ever figure out that card trick? I?m tellin? ya, this stuff comes in my head and I just write it out!

As per usual, I am enclosing this years Championship Week Itinerary. Keep it on the refrigerator door, so you?ll know it well by July. Dick Hahn says the fields will all be corn again this year, so we got that going for us! Me? Like the commish, I think of you guys everyday now.....and get more excited as the time gets closer and closer. We are all waiting for you and promise you with all our hearts, that we will work to make this the best Stoopball ever!

Let's get this out of the way......the reasons I've been so tardy in getting this letter out is quite simple, one - I had to take a paternity test in the Anna Nicole Smith debacle, and two - God told me to wait! And so I waited, but since He hasn't gotten back to me, and with Opening Day a week away, I figured I'd better get it done. Seriously, Carol has been having some health 'issues' and I pretty much dedicated this winter to helping her get 'healthy'. Or more precisely, I am old, fat, AND Lazy! But enough !!! On to bidness!

The 2007 SLA World Championships will be held on July 14. Championship Week will begin Sunday July 8, and Sandy's Kinder Kamp will begin promptly at 6:00AM July 9. I will have the full week's itinerary to you by late May. Done and done!

The George and Zeta Complex took quite a beating from mother nature this winter, but the grounds crew should have things ready to go before Mary Magdalene, Salome, and Mary the mother of James leave the empty tomb on opening day. The bleachers, and out buildings repairs will continue and, with a little luck, should be completed before Championship Week.

This year we are offering a couple of new options for the kids.(Because....really it's all about the kids!) Now I was at the winter meetings. I listened to all the discussions and I think what was determined was that we would have one area (Probably the Hall of Fame) for the youngest Stoopers for a quiet/nap/reading place. And another area for toddlers and up, who need or want their own space for games/videos/ reading! The reason I am a little unclear on this is quite simple. Steve Phelan did not attend the winter meetings, and someone had to take his 'jar' and partake of the grand Irish elixir in his place! Honestly, after the 7th 'to the Mics' proclamation.......I'm not absolutely certain I even have the dates right!!!!!

Janice is going to have sign up sheets this year for those of you who care to help out. (Boy this is really starting to sound like a church letter.) (More on the church, later.) Anyway....for those interested, and this is nothing like a church letter, we do offer a fairly generous medical plan, profit sharing, and a very attractive hourly wage. Plus you get to work with Chris, John, Janice, Sandy, Cat, Annette and the rest of the award winning upper management SLA Team!

We are proceeding, with the approval of the building improvement committee, in securing the vacant church in town. Brodie reports financing is all but locked in, and Ginny has just about dotted all the 'I's and crossed the 'T's in the purchase contract. I figured it will cost another $100,000 to get us started on some rehab.....but it's for the future....the kids....and you know it really is all about the kids.

So there you have it! Much to be done; but now that I?ve got Carol on that path to wellness, I can get back to assisting Commissioner Cat. (I know.......I'm still fat, old, and lazy.) (But this is spring and hope lives right here in Clinton!)

Don't forget to keep checking the internet, www.stoopball.net, I hope to get this letter up and Jake will get the itinerary posted as soon as I get it done. Maybe we'll talk about improving this web thing.....we do that real well....talk that is.

For those of you who can make it, I hope to see you all at the breakfast buffet on opening day. First pitch will bounce off Donnelly Field at 2:08 PM with the Chicago Stoops hosting the Brooklyn F-Trainers.

Thank you all for being patient with me. To close this missive I'd like to leave a little thought with you......He is not here.....He is risen as He said, Allelu ! If that seems a little parochial or anti everything but Christianity, try this....GO TIGERS!!!

12 May, 2006

People,

One of the great things about getting older is very simple things make you smile and reflect and wonder! As I was working on campus here at World Headquarters today, preparing for the 2006 Stoopball League of America World Championships, the perfume of the lilac bushes caused me to pause and think of all of you, and how in just a few months we'll all gather together again and share our love and joy. We are into our fourth generation. Life is good, eh?

But enough of the touchy/feely group hug folderol. The commissioner has instructed me to keep you fine folks abreast of the doin's around here, and that's what I will do. By the way I would like to personally thank the Commish, for letting me continue on with the letters. It is something I look forward to doing and hope you guys look forward to receiving. (Do you think I'm getting a little nice'.......mellowing out a bit?) (We'll see!) (Although Carol does have me on some homeopathic regimen, that she's formulated from her own little pharmacia, if you catch my drift......and I know some of you do; particularly those of you who've seen her special cabinet of goodies in the kitchen.)

But back to business. I am enclosing this year's itinerary for Championship Week. Try to keep it in a place of prominence and maybe even memorize it by July! Corn will be the veggie in the adjacent fields this summer, so get your cameras ready for the old kids disappearing in the crops pictures. Shitters are ordered, lights will be up. Pond will sparkle, and hopefully the flowers will be in bloom. In the words of George Gershwin, "Summertime and the living is easy".

Sandy, Chris, Janice, Cat, Black Jim, Aaron and the rest of the staff look forward to the opening of Commissioner Cat's Camp for Kid's. Remember we'd like all kids here by 6:00 AM Monday morning for the official start! I guess Sandy has a whole new program for the little ones this year, I for one hope it has to do with preparing the grounds for the onslaught of human flesh later in the week. But I worry it will be more useless artsy crafty crapola!

Finally, as you know, Madonna, uh... Megan, is with child (little Thomas) (hey its better than little fat man), anyway the word around the stoop is that Joe Crill will be signed as a free agent with the Detroit Risers filling the roster spot of his wife.......Curiouser and Curiouser.....

Godspeed,

Tom

7 February, 2006

Brothers and Sisters; I, Thomas, Commissioner Emeritus, of Clinton by way of Detroit, greet you with peace and joy.

(You see I just finished the New Testament, and that is my own humble homage to St. Paul, as he wrote the epistles to the various early Christians.) (This doesn‚t mean that I have nothing to say to the Jews and Muslims, or the Buddhists, or Hindus, et al.) As most of you know, I pretty much have something to say to everybody. But I digress. So here we are in the new year and I have been very busy on your behalf. Commissioner Cat sends his best, and is busy preparing for the upcoming season. He has asked me to take some time and get this internet thing, that you all said your were going to help with, well he‚s asked me to get it going. First of all, I don‚t need Tocco and his ilk questioning my cyber knowledge. Let me just tell you, back in the twentieth century, I was able to communicate pretty well. I don‚t want to get into the early days of Stoopballdom, but....I used to individually write letters to each of the franchisees. No copies, everything original. But, with the help and pushiness of you people, I am attempting to get 'connected', as it were, or is that 'as it is'?

So...... what I am attempting to do is make sure I have all of you on the email list, I‚m not sure what good that will do, but Cat wants it done, so done it will be! (I think, he, being a thoroughly modern man, will ......well whatever....he wants it done!)

The 2006 SLA World Championships will be contested in Clinton, Wisconsin on July22. Championship week will begin on Sunday, July 16 and conclude July 23. So you at least have the dates. I know I should have let you know sooner, but hey, blame the new Commish. Regarding the winter meetings, much new business was discussed, and approved. Luckily come July, most of it will be forgotten. We did however have some marvelous ideas on how to include more players. We will have a list of free agents posted and anyone without a team can draw from that list and put together a team. I will take a little work, but we have enough old people now; I‚m sorry.....we have enough former players..... who can assist with this plan.

Back to this world wide thing. I am attempting to have Jake get the new letter up on the site ASAP, plus I will attempt to email this stuff to all of you. Hey, maybe I can figure out a way to run a little „Commissioner‚s Corner‰ on the site, you know , daily words to live by, shit like that. Tocco, it may take some time but dammit, I‚m gonna try and move into this 'new age'.(By the way Mark, only you can imagine how much time I‚ve already invested (wasted) in this!!!) Seriously folks, I think we can all agree, whether it‚s old pro shop items, or modern day technology, the fatman does failure pretty well! That‚ll do it! I‚m off to the nether world!

Godspeed,

Tom

19 October, 2005

People,

We finally got a little rain the other day. It was the first precipitation we‚ve had since you folks left. Dry! Dry! Dry! The work here continues. I finally got all the signs down and although everything is not really put away, it is out of view. Last on the list is the tiki area lights. (I‚m trying to talk myself into leaving them up year round.)

Life here at world headquarters goes on. Construction is underway on the new improvements that were approved by the grounds committee. Also the agenda for the Winter Meetings is all but set and we look forward to your autumnal visit. The new commish is getting into the swing of things quite nicely, his style is very different from the mean old sumbitch we‚ve had to deal with for the past 25 years, but you know .....there was a certain......I don‚t know.....charm?...no... um...quirkiness?...no........... OK, I guess he was just a mean ole sumbitch...... but he showed up every day, we‚ve got to give him that! > (Except for the times he didn‚t show up!) ( Or the whining he did about how things should‚ be!) (Or how he was always right!) Yeah.....good riddance ....I‚m glad he‚s back to cleaning toilets and mowing grass. Now Cat, there‚s a real commissioner! And who‚s gonna complain about Rocco and Ernie, his top aides? We‚re in good shape folks! Trust me.

While I‚m thinking of it, I understand that some of you haven‚t got some recent letters. I‚m sorry for that and I‚ll see what can be done in the mail room. (It was probably the old commissioner just not keeping up with things!) But what I wanted to bring up was for Steve..........and since he won‚t be here for the winter meetings and I don‚t want to call him....what I was wondering was...like if Paul Harvey Jr. wanted to retire, would senior let him? You know , junior‚s gotta be around 62-65 and I‚m sure dad set him < up with enough cash but would he let him retire?????? Let me know what you think, Steve........I believe you have to agree.....it‚s a puzzlement!

So that should about do it. The next correspondence will be coming from our new commissioner, Cat! He‚ll probably be a little more timely....but in the old days I was timely, wasn‚t I? No? Well, memory is selective!

Godspeed,

Tom

30 May, 2004

People,

Well the days are dwindling down and I would like to report to you that all things are coming together for the 2004 SLA Championships. But right now we are in a bit of a sticky wicket. (I didn't think that line was that good, but I'm trying to keep the limey happy!) We have had over 12 inches of rain this month and things are getting further and further behind. The compound is plenty green but the screens and nets are still not up, and the shower is not yet functional. The painting....well who can tell if it will dry out enough to even put brush to board! Sometimes it does almost overwhelm me, but since I found Jebus, I just know things will work out. So don't you worry your pretty heads, I'm sure we will be ready when the time comes for opening ceremonies!

Now I know most of you are wondering how thing's went at DOCTOR JOE'S and MEGAN'S graduation ceremonies? Well, since I wasn't invited, I don't really know! More of the Babes and Boobs one upmanship? Curious, don't you think? I think Megan has been brainwashed. She won't even speak to me anymore......she has Sandy Ford call. "What key are you singing in?"....."Can you be at the Church early for a rehearsal with the orchestra?" Sounds like some code to me! And since I wasn't in the military, as Steve so cruelly has pointed out for the past 30 odd years, I can't decipher the code! I'm paranoid.....I'M PARANOID? Their not watching every move you make......or sending messages to you in your sleep!

So we begin the final 6 week count down to the great spectacle of Stoopball Championship week. As Carol works the flower beds, she smiles and thinks of you! As Joe and Shlomo do absolutely nothing to help out, they smile and think of you! And yes, as I bust my tail to make this place a little better for everyone....the voices tell me to smile..........and you bet your ass I do as I'm told!

I am enclosing this years Championship Itinerary and if you have any questions please contact World Headquarters and we will answer all queries.

I love you all, and can't wait to see you.

Godspeed,